Santa Is Watching

Christmas time is always a good time to promote peace and harmony among the kids, especially when you can throw in "Santa's watching" every now and then to ensure good behavior.  Katie and James were playing outside, occasionally taking turns barging in the back door to report wrong doing on the other one's part.   Tired of the constant tattling and petty arguments, I pulled out the "Santa's watching".   That worked for a short while, until they both came in yelling at one another and shouting about each other's offenses.  Trying to sort out the problem, I asked what was said.  Katie shouted, "James told me to shut up!"  James immediately interjected, "Katie was making faces at me and told me to shut up first!" and he stormed out of the room.  Left with just Katie, and already passed the point of annoyance, I said with a firm voice, "Santa doesn't like it when you are rude to one another, and he certainly does NOT like it when children say 'shut up'".  Katie looked at me and said, "But I didn't say 'shut up' to James."   I then added, "And he also knows when you are and are not telling the truth."  With deep worry in her face, she simply said, "Oh NO!!" (12/4/11)

The Compliment

With Christmas fast approaching, Danny was a bit more congenial.  Overcome by the holiday spirit, he decided to give James a compliment instead his usual affront.  Putting his arm around him, Danny said to James,  " Your butt isn't as smelly as it usually is." Ahh, the season of joy.  (12/10)

The Wonder Pets Flaw

Katie, home sick with a fever, was laying on the couch most of the day. When I heard The Wonder Pets on TV, a show she despises, I knew she must've fallen asleep. As I enter the room, I hear the trademark lyrics "the phone, the phone is ringing..." to where I find James sitting on the couch with a look on his face. He turns to me and says, "No wonder Katie doesn't like this show. It's not even a phone! It's a cheap tin can!" (11/23/11)

How to Pick a Pumpkin

Danny's advice to James before going pumpkin picking:  "The dude doesn't pick the pumpkin; the pumpkin picks the dude." (10/3/10)

No Refunds

Over the summer, Katie held a "garage sale" where she sold some of her belongings to family members and was happy with her profits.   This morning, while in our bedroom, she came across a paperweight with her photo in it that she had made in school.   She asked Tom, "Hey! What are you doing with this?  This is mine!"   Tom, having bought it at her  garage sale, replied, "You sold it to me, remember?"  While examining it in her hand, she said, "Well, I'm taking it.  I need it for my book."   Defeated, Tom said, "Then can I  have my money back?"  Already running out of the room, she yelled, "Sorry! No refunds!" as she slammed her bedroom door.   (10/1/11)

The Tweeter

I have a human twitter account. The name is Katie and she tweets everything we do from an open window in the living room or from the curb of our sidewalk. If you want my status update, just pass by my house and you can have all the info you need.  Her latest tweet from the living room window was to our neighbor: "Hi! I'm coming outside right after my mom gets dressed.  She just got out of the shower!"  (9/4/11)

Circumventing the Rule

After the constant bickering escalated to name calling, I shouted, "Alright, now everyone stop it! There will be no more name calling in this house."  Danny immediately turned to his sister and said, "Katie, I need you to come outside with me a minute.  I have something to tell you." 
(8/2/11)

The Prayer Explanation

Katie asked me, after hearing the words of the Our Father prayer, "What does 'deliver us from evil' mean?".  Trying to come up with an answer that she could understand, I said, "It means that we are asking God to protect us from bad things that can hurt us."  She inched her face close to mine, looked at me, nose to nose, and whispered with all seriousness, "You mean like alligators?" (8/6/11)

The Aged Princess

James often creates games for him and Katie to play, with one of her all time favorites being "Karate Chop Princess".  Deeply immersed in their activity, they elaborated on the original game by venturing into the future when the Karate Chop Princess is all grown up.  James, the narrator of the scene, started to say, "Okay, now the Princess is 20 years old ..." when Katie suddenly interrupted and said with great surprise, "I'm twenty? I'm so old!" (6/30/11)

The Wedding Dress

Katie and Danny were having a conversation about how one day Katie will get married.  Danny said to her, "You will have to wear a big white dress".  Katie, a bit distraught, replied, "But I don't have a big white dress".  Danny, not budging on his position, firmly stated, "Well, the girl HAS to wear a big white dress when she gets married."  Sensing that she was about to get upset, I intervened and said, " Katie, When you get married, Daddy and I will buy you the prettiest white dress ever".  Katie immediately perked up and shouted, "We can get it from Target!"  (10/17/10)

The Workout

With my days of packing only a towel and a sandwich for a day at the beach well behind me, I was dragging a cart loaded to the top with an umbrella, cooler, beach bag and a myriad of sand toys.  As we were leaving to go home, Katie and I had to walk through a football toss between two young guys playing by the ramp.  Seeing the huge load I was pulling, one of the guys commented, "That's quite a workout, huh?"  Before I could open my mouth to reply, Katie, holding only her Cinderella pail, answered, "Oh yes.  I have a LOT of shells in here." (6/9/11)

The White Man

Danny, who is quite the literal kid, watched The Simpsons movie and asked me, "Why does Mr. Burns say, 'for once, the rich white man is in control.'?"  After trying to explain the irony of the joke with a brief history lesson, he gave me a confused look and said, "But I still don't get why he said white man. Mr. Burns is yellow." (2/15/11)

The "I Love You" Responses

While driving the kids home from school I looked in my rearview mirror and was overcome with emotion.  I said, "I love you guys so much!"  In response to my outpouring of love, Danny said, "Thanks."  Katie said, "I know." And James said, "Wait.  Why are you telling us this right now?" (6/1/11)

A Bike Ride Conversation

James and I went out for a bike ride together and talked about many different things.  While riding home he asked me, "Would you be surprised if you saw me on an episode of House Hunters?"  Finding the question odd , I asked him, "Are you talking about now or when you're older?"  He replied, "I guess when I'm older."  "Well," I said, "I think I would be surprised if I didn't know you were moving out."  He then said, "Would you be upset?" 
I replied, " I know you're all going to move out one day, but I think I'll be a little sad because I love having you home and I'll miss you."  Being the sensitive kid that he is, he looked at me with such sincerity and said, "Don't worry, everyone else will move out, but I'll stay with you forever."  Then, after thinking about it for a moment, he revised his statement by saying, "Well, Danny and Katie will move out.  I'll  stay with you and so will Daddy.  Daddy HAS to stay.  He's forced to." (5/28/11)

The Macho Man

James was happily singing "Macho, macho man, I'd like to be a macho man".  With a slight giggle, I asked him, "Are you a macho man?" He replied with great seriousness, "Oh, no, that's only on Thursdays." (10/08/10)

The Naming of the Sons

Danny asked me, "Since we're Irish, do I have to give my kids Irish names?" I said, "No, you can name your child any type of name you like."  He then said, "Well, we have Irish names and all of our cousins have Irish names."  I replied, "Daddy and I liked more traditional names and your cousins do have Irish names, but you don't have to stick with tradition or your heritage when naming your child."  He said, "Good, because I want to name my son Armand, and that's a Spanish name." With a chuckle I said, "Armand is a very good name.  I like it. "  He then continued, "I am going to have four sons and name the first one Edmund (his grandfather's name), the second one Armand, my third son will be Danny the second, and the fourth will be Thomas."  I said, "Well, it's nice that you're going to name your last son after Daddy."  Danny said, with a bit of surprise, "Oh yeah.  I was actually thinking of my friend Thomas, but that'll work too." (5/24/11)

An Answer for Everything

One morning Katie came downstairs dressed in her flowered shirt and multi colored plaid leggings ready for the day.  She has dressed herself since she was 3 and decided that the more colors and patterns she had on her clothes, the better they looked.   She said, "Good morning, Mommy! Do you like my outfit?"  I looked at her clashing shirt and pants and said, "Yes, you look beautiful." I then took a look at her knotty, crazy hair and knew I had a combing challenge ahead of me.  She doesn't like having her hair brushed on a good hair day, let alone when she has a case of severe bed-head.  I said to her, "Hey, Katie, how about after breakfast we put your hair in pigtails?"  She replied, "No thanks."  I said, "Well,  I still have to brush your hair. Wait here while I get the brush."  She stopped me and said, "Oh, you don't have to brush my hair today.  I'm wearing a rockstar outfit, and rockstars don't brush their hair." (5/17/11)

The Empty Promise

When nobody wanted to play a board game with Katie, she resorted to begging.  She asked, "Please play Candy Land with me. Pleeease! I promise I won't cheat this time".  (10/07/10)

The Cheater

Katie, James and I all took a bike ride and ended up at the park.  While there, James and Katie made up a game to play, and were getting along very well, until I heard Katie shout, "James stopped playing the game with me!"  Before I could ask him why, James yelled at the top of his lungs, "BECAUSE SHE CHEATED!!"  Well known for her unbridled cheating, it was not the first time I had to warn Katie that no one will want to play games with her if she cheats. 
Trying to mediate the dispute, I asked James that if Katie plays by the rules, would he please continue the game that they were playing so nicely before.  James, who is very forgiving, begrudgingly said, "Well, I guess so.  As long as she promises not to cheat again."  I asked Katie if she could manage to play without cheating and she looked at me and said, on the verge of tears, "But I LOVE cheating!!" (5/15/11)

A Little While

Katie and James were happily playing and were about to set out for the backyard when I told them to stay in the house because it was almost time to leave for school.   James begged, "Please! Please let us go outside!  It's part of the game!"  My resistance weakened by sibling harmony, I said, "Okay, but just for a little while."  James shouted, "Yay!  A little while!  That means we have a lot of time.  Whenever I ask when dinner's going to be ready and you say 'a little while', it takes a REALLY long time!" (5/11/11)

Leaving Wendy's

While Katie and I were leaving Wendy's, a good looking young guy held the door for  us.  We simultaneously said "Thank you" and he replied, "You got it, babe" to which Katie immediately turned to me and said, "I think he was talking to me". (3/15/11)

The TV

Danny, who is offended every evening by having to watch the non flat screen TV in the basement, told Tom that if he ever has the misfortune to live in his house, he would have to watch TV in his basement.  He then added, "It will NOT be a flat screen and it will only have basic cable."  I said with a smile, "Well, Daddy grew up watching a black and white TV in his basement with no cable and only 3 channels to watch."  And then Tom added, "Yeah, and I had to share it with my 6 brothers and sisters!"  Tom, thinking he had him beat, smiled at Danny.  Danny immediately retorted, "Well, this time you'd have to share the TV with MOM!"  Point, Game, Match: Danny. (5/4/11)

The Nickname

Katie asked me, "Which is my real name, Katie or Katherine?"  I explained that her official name was "Katherine", but her nickname, the name that everyone calls her, is "Katie".  She thought about it and said, "What is Danny's real name?"  I told her, "It's Daniel."  Seeing where she was going, I continued, "James doesn't really have a nickname, but we do call him 'Jamsie' sometimes".  She then asked, "Why doesn't James have a nickname?" 
"Not everyone has a nickname," I replied, "Some people are just called by their given names. I don't really have a nickname either."  After hearing that, she said, in a matter of fact tone, 
"Yes you do.  Your real name is 'Mommy' but your nickname is 'Nancy'." (5/3/11)

The Mini Pants

I picked up the boys from school on one of the first warm days in months and I commented on how nice the weather was. James said, " I know, some kids even wore those, um, those, you know, mini pants...those pants that are small." Puzzled about this latest fashion, I asked, "Are they like shorts?" James shouted, "Shorts! That's what I meant! Shorts! I forgot what they were called."  It really HAS been a long winter!  (3/17/11)

The Tooth

While eating lunch, the dental inlay of my tooth came out leaving me with a sensitive spot in my mouth.  Later, Danny asked me how my tooth was feeling.  Unaware of the situation, Katie immediately asked, "What happened to your tooth?"  I told her, "A part of my tooth fell out today." Just having lost two teeth the previous day, she excitedly shouted, "Yay! Just like me!  Are you excited? Now the toothfairy is going to visit YOU tonight!" (4/20/11)

Average

Danny, my beloved child who proudly strives to do the minimum required work with any task, thought he was giving Tom and me a compliment when he said, "Mom, as far as parenting skills go, you and Dad are average."  The look on my face must've told him that I didn't receive it as a compliment so he quickly clarified his statement by saying, "Average is good, Mom, isn't it? It's good to be average."  Taking a moment to compose my thoughts, I said, "Danny, average is not bad but it is also not great.  It's squeaking by.  A person should strive to be more than just average in what they do.  You wouldn't want an average doctor, or an average teacher.  You want excellence from people. By calling someone's skills 'average', it actually means 'inferior' a lot of the time."  I could tell that he took my words to heart, understood what I was trying to say, and he simply responded, "Oh." 
Then I said, "Dan, you know that you, James and Katie are the most important people in the world to us and we would be very unhappy and would be doing you an injustice if we had only 'average' parenting skills."  He said, "Oh.  I really didn't mean it that way."
After retracting his previous  statement, he reissued it with, "Mom,  your parenting skills are definately better than average. "
I simply said, "Thank you, Dan, that means alot to me." For in his mind, that truly is high praise. (4/19/11)

The Heat

Danny, wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, said to me, "Mom, you HAVE to put the heat on. I'm freezing every morning."  I immediately replied, "No, YOU need to put on warm pajamas with long sleeves...or ANY pajamas for that matter." Without missing a beat, he said, "Seriously Mom. We need the heat on. This isn't the 1970s." (10/15/10)

Hocus Pocus

Katie and I were at the library when she remembered that there was a book she wanted to take home.  She said, "I need to find the Hocus Pocus book."  Having no clue what that was, I tried to get more information from her.  I asked, "What is the Hocus Pocus book?  Is that the name of the book? Is it a book about magic?"  Getting nothing more than, "It's about Hocus Pocus", I started with a title search, then moved on to the books on magic, and then walked her through the picture book section hoping she would remember where she saw it.  After 10 minutes of an unsuccessful book search, she glanced up at a special selection of books on top of the bookcase and yelled, "THERE IT IS!"  I looked over to see "Pocahontas" sitting among the Disney book selections. (4/12/11)

The Mansion

After returning from a family outing to get Italian ices, Danny, euphoric from the treat, was telling Tom and me about his future plans.  He said, "One day when I live in a mansion, I will have a special  room just for you two and it will have a hot tub and a private bathroom" (the latter being a top priority in his mind).  "It will even have TWO queen beds for you both!" which caused Tom and I to burst out laughing.   He continued, "But if you actually like sleeping in the same bed, I can make it a king size bed." Tom and I were very touched by his thoughtfulness and told him so.   Feeling extra generous, he added, "And I won't even charge you that much for rent." (4/9/11)

Glad to Be a Man

 After observing me do a variety of household chores, Danny said, "I'm glad that I'll go to work when I grow up so I won't have to do all those things." I replied, "I go to work too, Dan. I'm just lucky that with my job I get to be home more often." He then said, "Oh yeah. I forgot. Well, I'm glad to be a man because moms have to do way more stuff than dads." (12/30/10)

The Shoes

After trying on numerous pairs of sneakers that were not quite right,  Danny finally found a pair that he was happy with.  Ready to leave the store, it was to his dismay that I started looking at shoes for myself.  Draped across the shoe bench, he asked, "Can we PLEASE go now?"  I said, " I just want to try on this one pair".  Horrified, he looked at me said, "There is NO WAY that I am trying on those shoes!" and he started to sprint away.  With a giggle, I called after him, "Danny, these aren't for you, they're for me", and he looked very relieved.  Looking down at the shoes on my feet, I said to myself, "Oh wow, these look really nerdy" to which Danny added, "I know Mom.  They really do."  Laughing, I said, "So why didn't you say something before I put them on?"  He replied, "I thought that my screaming and running away from them would've been your first hint." (4/6/11)

The Song Lyric

Katie and I are often at odds over the music we listen to in the car.  She wants to hear "girl music" as opposed to the alternative "boy music" that I like.  But I discovered that even a pop music fan can appreciate the song "Short Skirt, Long Jacket" by the band Cake, when Katie said to me, "I have the right allocations, right mommy?" (11/19/10)

The Naked Book

 I had the book "Naked", a funny autobiography by David Sedaris, on my nightstand along with a Hanes catalogue with an underwear model on the cover. While over our house for a playdate, my 8 year old son's friend went into my bedroom and reported back to him that "There's a naked book and magazine in your parent's room." (1/5/11)

The Wedding

Katie asked me, "Can you button my butterfly costume? It's going to be my wedding dress. I'm marrying a toy". Puzzled, I asked what she was talking about and she told me that Danny and James set up a wedding between her and Buzz Lightyear.  Two minutes later she emerged from the basement crying.  When I asked her what's the matter, she said, "They're making me marry Mr. Potato Head!" (2/6/11)

The Flatulator

There was an outcry among family members over Katie's constant flatulence.  Even the silent ones were warned with a coy, "Excuse me."  Unable to take the barrage any longer, she was told, "Katie, you have to stop cutting the cheese!"  She replied, "I can't cut cheese! I'm not allowed to use a knife!  That's dangerous." (3/30/11)

The April Fools

Danny and James are big fans of April Fool's Day.  They start in March and end somewhere in mid April.  After being the subject of some weak attempts at April Fool's jokes, I told the boys it was time to go to school.  As I backed the van out of the driveway I stopped and said, "Oh, wait, I forgot...school was cancelled today."  My gullible boys shouted, "What?! Really?! Why?" And I happily shouted, "April Fools!".  I felt guilty as I looked at James' crestfallen face but then caught a smile on Danny's face.  He, who could appreciate a successful April Fool's joke, simply said with a smile, "That was cruel, Mom." (4/1/11)

The Drama Queen

Immediately upon entering Target, Katie asked me to buy her a glitter headband.  I said no, and after a few minutes of being peeved, she seemed to get over it.  Later she asked for a ringpop.  Upon being denied for the second time, she exclaimed, "First you ruined my hair and now you've ruined my life!" (3/29/11)

The Owl Place

James, a fan of Spongebob Squarepants, made some observations about various restaurants after we had gone out to lunch.  "Wendy's is like the Krusty Krab," he mused, "and Burger King is like the Krusty Krab, too.  That owl place is like the Chum Bucket."  Confused, I asked, "What owl place?"  He answered, "You know, that place with the owl that we never go to.  The one next to Wendy's and Burger King."  Perceiving that I still didn't understand, he continued, " It has the two giant 'O' eyes.  The sign says 'hoot'. "  That's when I realized that my seven year old son just compared Hooters to the Chum Bucket.  (10/18/10)

A Reason to Behave

The kids were constantly bickering with each other when I finally told them that they needed to stop and treat each other as they would like to be treated.  Seemingly affected by my words, Katie said, "God is watching us, right Mommy?"  I softened up a bit and said, "Yes, Katie."  She then added, "And Santa, too!".  I guess she felt she needed to cover all bases. (3/27/11)

The Observation

James' observation of his sister Katie:  "She looks nice but she's really kinda bossy". (2/27/10)

The Invention

 One afternoon, looking quite pensive, Danny said to me, "When I grow up I'm going to invent a car that runs on sunlight."  After realizing his design flaw he quickly added  "And moonlight". James, upon hearing his brother's invention idea, asked him, "What will happen if its raining out?" to which Danny responded, " I think I'll just work for Nintendo." (2/28/10)

The Glasses

After all three kids were finished playing in the basement, James came upstairs to tell me he couldn't find his glasses.  I asked him why he took them off in the first place and his reply was, "I take them off when there is going to be violence". (3/26/11)

The Starburst

 My husband Tom took James to the movies. After getting settled in their seats, James said, "Can I have a starburst?" Tom gave it to him. A minute later James said, "Can I have another starburst?" Tom handed him another one, he looked at it and said, "Daddy, you have to unwrap it for me." Tom replied,  "I didn't unwrap the first one for you." James then said, "Oh! THAT'S why it tasted so bad!"   (12/9/09)

The Tattletale

After James came to me to report that Katie was throwing sand at him on purpose, he went back outside and was immediately accused of being a tattletale. He replied, "I am not". She screamed, "YOU ARE!" He once again asserted that he was not, in fact, a tattletale to which Katie replied, " You ARE a tattletale and I'm telling mommy!"   
  (3/19/11)