The "Real" Christmas card

Yes, I sent out a traditional Christmas card with my children looking angelic, clean and sweet.  But every year I like to make a second Christmas card; a card that shows who they really are...and it is usually my favorite.
This is the "real" card for Christmas 2014

                 

 

The Holiday Boutique

Katie's elementary school has a holiday boutique every year so that the children can buy presents for whomever they wish.   Katie gets very excited at the prospect of shopping for gifts, and was greatly looking forward to this year's boutique.  As the date approached, I asked her , "What are you going to buy at the Holiday Boutique on Friday?"  She asked, "For who?"  I said, "Well, how about for Dad?"  Seeming like she knew exactly what she was going to purchase, she stated, " Something with #1 Dad on it."  Then I said , "How about James?" 
Again, with a matter of fact tone, she said, "Something with #1 brother on it." I then asked, "What about Danny?" She looked at me with a sly smile, paused and said, "Hmmmm....#2 brother?"  Then she laughed and laughed.  (12/9/15)

The Logic of a Teenager

Looking out the window at the wind driven snow at the beginning of a big storm,  Danny announced, " I'm going to run around the block without my jacket in the blizzard. " 
It was intensely cold; a bone-chilling  day, and I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to venture outside at all, let alone without a coat.  The only response I could muster was "Why?"
With a matter of fact, logical tone, he said, "Well, for one, when I get back I will appreciate how warm our house is."   I couldn't argue with that.   (1/26/15)

Glasses No More

     
     When James reached his 12th birthday, he no longer needed to wear glasses.   This fact seemed to excite Danny more than anyone.  Upon hearing the news,  he said, " Wow!  That's awesome that James doesn't need glasses anymore.  Mom, isn't that AWESOME?!"
I was surprised at his enthusiasm being that it was totally out of character for Danny to show interest in an event that didn't directly affect him.   I replied, "Really? Why?  What difference does it make?"
He stated, " Whenever I would jump on James to attack him,  he'd  say, 'Hold on...let me take off my glasses' and then he'd run away.  Now when I do it, he'll have no excuse."  (2/11/15)

Great Minds...

As I was getting ready to start dinner, I saw Danny opening the snack cabinet.  I told him , "Don't eat anything, I'm about to cook dinner."  He said, "I'm not.  I'm putting the pretzels back because I saw that you were."  I said, "See?  We think alike!"  He said with a sigh, "We don't think alike, Mom.  For starters, I like President Nixon and you don't."
(12/4/14)

The Outgoing Message

James and I were sitting together talking when the home phone began ringing.  Knowing that besides my mother, only telemarketers called the land line, I let the answering machine pick up.  Upon hearing the outgoing message, James said to me, "Mom, did you ever notice that the voice on the machine sounds a lot like yours?  That's so weird."
I said, "James, that is my voice.  I recorded the message on the machine. "
He said, "Ooooooh, I thought the message came with the machine.  I always thought the voice was familiar, but I didn't think that you could record it yourself."  I  then said, "Didn't you notice that the message says ' You've reached the Brennan family' ?"  He said, "Yeah, I thought that was even weirder than the machine sounding like your voice."  (10/25/14)

The iPod Songs

When Danny first started showing an interest in music, he came to me asking for some song suggestions for his iPod.  Being that Tom knows very little music outside of the Classic Rock genre, specifically the "Lynard Skynard" station on Pandora, I felt that Danny made the wise choice in enlisting my help.  He said, "Mom, do you have any hip hop or rap music that I could put on my iPod?" 
I searched the music data base in my head, examined my iPod for some possible candidates, and came up with some classic, fun hip hop songs that I thought he'd enjoy.  I took his iPod and uploaded the clean versions of "Without Me" by Eminem, "Bust a Move" by Young MC, "Just a Friend" by Biz Markie, "Girls" by the Beastie Boys, among others.  
Later that evening, I asked him, "How did you like the songs I put on for you?"
He replied in a less than enthusiastic way,  "They were okay."
"Okay?! Wow, I'm surprised because I thought those songs would be perfect for you."
 "Well, I liked the song Dad put on my iPod much better than the ones you put on.  His rap song was really good."
Unable to imagine Tom knowing any rap song, let alone one he already owned,  I asked with shock, "Dad put a rap song on your iPod?!  What song was it?",   
Danny replied, "White and Nerdy by Weird Al Yankovic".

The Napkin

While eating dinner, Tom reached for his napkin, but accidentally started grabbing the one belonging to James.  James quickly grabbed it and Tom said, "Oh.  That's yours. Sorry."  Then he rhetorically stated, " I don't understand why people are so possessive over napkins.  I don't even care if I have a napkin."
James, in an expressionless voice, countered with,  "Wow.  That explains a lot."
(4/4/14

The Sidekick

James and I were sitting quietly in the living room when he asked, "Mom, if you were a superhero, would you want a sidekick?"
I said, " I don't know.  Would you be my sidekick?"
He said, "Nah.  I'm more of a solo guy."
(4/2/14)

That "Guy"

Danny has a habit of starting a conversation in mid thought.  I often have no context by which to fully understand his question or statement. 
Just recently Danny, James, Katie, and I were in the car for quite a long ride.  After a few different conversations, we sat quietly listening to the radio for a few miles.  Then Danny suddenly asked, "Mom, who is that guy that you always ask for help?'
I laughingly replied, "Ummm, your dad?"
He said, "No. Really. I mean that guy that you sometimes ask for help with stuff.  Remember that time we were really late and you couldn't find a parking spot, so you asked that guy?"
Realizing what he was referring to, I asked him, "Do mean St. Anthony?  When I need help finding something?"
He excitedly replied, "YEAH! That's him!"
(3/27/14)

Grease is More Appealing Than Love

I took Katie and James with me to run a few errands.  It was after noontime when we were finished, and they both said that they were getting hungry. 
I said, "I'll make you lunch as soon as we get home."
James suggested, "Why don't we go out for lunch?'
Knowing that I had kid-friendly "treat" lunches at home, and always looking for the healthier alternative to fast food, I said, " I'll make you chicken nuggets and french fries at home."
James said, "They have that at Wendy's."
I replied, "Yes. Well, I make mine with love."
Without missing a beat, James deadpanned, "Yeah, well they make theirs with grease."
(3/22/14)

The Note

I found this note from Danny taped to my bedroom door.  Of course, being the wonderful mom that I am, I decided to "be a bro" and get the knee pads from Modell's that very same day.  I think it is safe to assume that it was "super cool" of me. (1/31/14)

The Political Discussion

     Danny is a very opinionated kid, and lets everyone know his viewpoint at every turn.   He is continually spewing his political opinions and I am constantly getting sucked into the debate, despite my better judgement.  Even those times that I happen to agree with his views, we never seem to be on the same side of the argument.  Tonight at dinner, he started in on his usual rant and once again, I bit; but I quickly ended the discussion.  I said, "Danny, I've told you many times that I don't want to have these political debates and I am very aware of your opinion.  I don't need to be reminded of it during dinner every night.  I am happy to hear about your day and what is going on in your life, but I don't want to have the same volatile conversation every day."  Not backing down, he said,  "Mom, in our house we can discuss things.  I'm just trying to have a conversation.  You're taking away my rights." 
"What?!  What rights am I taking away from you?"
"My freedom of speech."
"Well, your freedom of speech is going to be limited in this house so I can have a pleasant dinner"
He picked up his plate, brought it over to the counter and said, "Sheesh!  Kim Jong-Mom."
(1/23/14)

Irish Pride

The Irish are well known, as a people, to be especially proud of their heritage.  Tom, being the son of 2 Irish parents, and I, being the daughter of an Irish mother who would dress herself in head to toe green every St. Patrick's Day with a rather large "Kiss Me I'm Irish" pin adorning her sweater and a funny looking hat to match, are quite familiar with this pride.  Danny, James and Katie would often have lengthy discussions about being Irish.  Whenever they would ask me about my heritage , I would tell them that my mother's parents emigrated from Ireland and my father's parents emigrated from Austria.  They would almost always refer to me as  Australian, and  Tom would explain to them that Austria is a country with Germanic people, and although my grandparents came from Austria, they were German.  One of the kids would then inevitably say, "I didn't know Australians were German" or "Why didn't you just say you were German?" .   They would occasionally bring up this topic and the same question would be asked and answered repeatedly.
     One day I overheard the tail end of one of their "being Irish" discussions.  Danny was in mid sentence when I heard him say, "...but Mom is only half  Irish."  James then asked, "What else is she, again?"  Danny replied, "German or something...I just know that she isn't as Irish as the rest of us."  I'm not sure what was said in the first part of the conversation, but I am pretty sure I should feel insulted.   

The Christmas List

To quash my pre Christmas shopping anxiety, I asked the kids to start their Christmas wish lists.   I looked over Katie's list and saw that the first item listed was a Toys R Us gift card.  (11/10/13

The Vocabulary Lesson

James has always been very studious and takes his homework seriously.  During one of his 5th grade vocabulary lessons, his teacher told the class that they should try to start incorporating their vocabulary words into everyday conversation.   Taking a bite of his dinner,  James reported, "This doesn't taste like the regular chicken burger".  I replied, "It's  homemade with the lean chicken.  Do you like it?"  James hesitated and said, "I like the other one better."  To quickly spare my feelings he added, "It's not that this one is bad, it's just insipid."   That's the problem with having a smart kid.  He can insult my cooking with intelligence.  (9/24/13)

The Radio Commercial

I was driving James and Katie home from school when the infamous "Cars for Kids" commercial came on the radio.  "1-877 cars for kids; K-A-R-S, CARS FOR KIIIIDS!" After singing the chorus several times, Katie and James began discussing the merits of the commercial.  While they both praised the song, James said, "If you really think about it, it's  kind of a dumb commercial.  Who is going to donate their car to a kid?  Kids can't even drive!" (9/3/2013)

The Raisin Bran Request

One morning, while perusing through the vast number of cereal boxes in the cabinet, Danny said to me, "Mom, can you buy Raisin Bran?"  I turned around to see a brand new box sitting right in his view.  Pointing it out, I said, "It's right there in the cabinet".   He said, "No, I mean the good kind." 
"That is the good kind!"
"No.  The other one has less raisins in it."
"You mean you want less raisins?"
"Yes," he replied, " I don't really like raisins" (9/4/13)

The Truth

 James told me that he was working on a special  card for Tom's birthday.  He said, "I'm making an acrostic poem on the front."  I said, "Wow, that's a great idea.  Dad will love that. Are you using the word 'Dad' for the poem?"  He said, "No, I'm using 'Father' because it's longer and has lots of different letters."  He paused and said, "For the 'A'  I wrote 'Awesome.'  And for the 'E' I wrote 'Expert on Everything'.  Oh! and for the 'H' I wrote 'Helpful in Every Way'.  I can't remember what I wrote for the other letters. "   I commented on how nice that was, and jokingly asked, "For the 'F' did you write 'Farts A Lot'?"
Taking me seriously, and clearly offended, James chastised me and said, "Moooooom!!! No! Of course not!  That's not nice! I'm  writing things that are going to make him feel good!  I'm not going to write the truth!!"  (5/11/13)

Days of Yore

Katie was writing her name and the date on her homework when I heard her sigh and say, "I miss the old days."  I asked her, "What do you consider the old days?"  She replied, "2012."  (2/21/13)