The Mini Pants

I picked up the boys from school on one of the first warm days in months and I commented on how nice the weather was. James said, " I know, some kids even wore those, um, those, you know, mini pants...those pants that are small." Puzzled about this latest fashion, I asked, "Are they like shorts?" James shouted, "Shorts! That's what I meant! Shorts! I forgot what they were called."  It really HAS been a long winter!  (3/17/11)

The Tooth

While eating lunch, the dental inlay of my tooth came out leaving me with a sensitive spot in my mouth.  Later, Danny asked me how my tooth was feeling.  Unaware of the situation, Katie immediately asked, "What happened to your tooth?"  I told her, "A part of my tooth fell out today." Just having lost two teeth the previous day, she excitedly shouted, "Yay! Just like me!  Are you excited? Now the toothfairy is going to visit YOU tonight!" (4/20/11)

Average

Danny, my beloved child who proudly strives to do the minimum required work with any task, thought he was giving Tom and me a compliment when he said, "Mom, as far as parenting skills go, you and Dad are average."  The look on my face must've told him that I didn't receive it as a compliment so he quickly clarified his statement by saying, "Average is good, Mom, isn't it? It's good to be average."  Taking a moment to compose my thoughts, I said, "Danny, average is not bad but it is also not great.  It's squeaking by.  A person should strive to be more than just average in what they do.  You wouldn't want an average doctor, or an average teacher.  You want excellence from people. By calling someone's skills 'average', it actually means 'inferior' a lot of the time."  I could tell that he took my words to heart, understood what I was trying to say, and he simply responded, "Oh." 
Then I said, "Dan, you know that you, James and Katie are the most important people in the world to us and we would be very unhappy and would be doing you an injustice if we had only 'average' parenting skills."  He said, "Oh.  I really didn't mean it that way."
After retracting his previous  statement, he reissued it with, "Mom,  your parenting skills are definately better than average. "
I simply said, "Thank you, Dan, that means alot to me." For in his mind, that truly is high praise. (4/19/11)

The Heat

Danny, wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, said to me, "Mom, you HAVE to put the heat on. I'm freezing every morning."  I immediately replied, "No, YOU need to put on warm pajamas with long sleeves...or ANY pajamas for that matter." Without missing a beat, he said, "Seriously Mom. We need the heat on. This isn't the 1970s." (10/15/10)

Hocus Pocus

Katie and I were at the library when she remembered that there was a book she wanted to take home.  She said, "I need to find the Hocus Pocus book."  Having no clue what that was, I tried to get more information from her.  I asked, "What is the Hocus Pocus book?  Is that the name of the book? Is it a book about magic?"  Getting nothing more than, "It's about Hocus Pocus", I started with a title search, then moved on to the books on magic, and then walked her through the picture book section hoping she would remember where she saw it.  After 10 minutes of an unsuccessful book search, she glanced up at a special selection of books on top of the bookcase and yelled, "THERE IT IS!"  I looked over to see "Pocahontas" sitting among the Disney book selections. (4/12/11)

The Mansion

After returning from a family outing to get Italian ices, Danny, euphoric from the treat, was telling Tom and me about his future plans.  He said, "One day when I live in a mansion, I will have a special  room just for you two and it will have a hot tub and a private bathroom" (the latter being a top priority in his mind).  "It will even have TWO queen beds for you both!" which caused Tom and I to burst out laughing.   He continued, "But if you actually like sleeping in the same bed, I can make it a king size bed." Tom and I were very touched by his thoughtfulness and told him so.   Feeling extra generous, he added, "And I won't even charge you that much for rent." (4/9/11)

Glad to Be a Man

 After observing me do a variety of household chores, Danny said, "I'm glad that I'll go to work when I grow up so I won't have to do all those things." I replied, "I go to work too, Dan. I'm just lucky that with my job I get to be home more often." He then said, "Oh yeah. I forgot. Well, I'm glad to be a man because moms have to do way more stuff than dads." (12/30/10)

The Shoes

After trying on numerous pairs of sneakers that were not quite right,  Danny finally found a pair that he was happy with.  Ready to leave the store, it was to his dismay that I started looking at shoes for myself.  Draped across the shoe bench, he asked, "Can we PLEASE go now?"  I said, " I just want to try on this one pair".  Horrified, he looked at me said, "There is NO WAY that I am trying on those shoes!" and he started to sprint away.  With a giggle, I called after him, "Danny, these aren't for you, they're for me", and he looked very relieved.  Looking down at the shoes on my feet, I said to myself, "Oh wow, these look really nerdy" to which Danny added, "I know Mom.  They really do."  Laughing, I said, "So why didn't you say something before I put them on?"  He replied, "I thought that my screaming and running away from them would've been your first hint." (4/6/11)

The Song Lyric

Katie and I are often at odds over the music we listen to in the car.  She wants to hear "girl music" as opposed to the alternative "boy music" that I like.  But I discovered that even a pop music fan can appreciate the song "Short Skirt, Long Jacket" by the band Cake, when Katie said to me, "I have the right allocations, right mommy?" (11/19/10)

The Naked Book

 I had the book "Naked", a funny autobiography by David Sedaris, on my nightstand along with a Hanes catalogue with an underwear model on the cover. While over our house for a playdate, my 8 year old son's friend went into my bedroom and reported back to him that "There's a naked book and magazine in your parent's room." (1/5/11)

The Wedding

Katie asked me, "Can you button my butterfly costume? It's going to be my wedding dress. I'm marrying a toy". Puzzled, I asked what she was talking about and she told me that Danny and James set up a wedding between her and Buzz Lightyear.  Two minutes later she emerged from the basement crying.  When I asked her what's the matter, she said, "They're making me marry Mr. Potato Head!" (2/6/11)

The Flatulator

There was an outcry among family members over Katie's constant flatulence.  Even the silent ones were warned with a coy, "Excuse me."  Unable to take the barrage any longer, she was told, "Katie, you have to stop cutting the cheese!"  She replied, "I can't cut cheese! I'm not allowed to use a knife!  That's dangerous." (3/30/11)

The April Fools

Danny and James are big fans of April Fool's Day.  They start in March and end somewhere in mid April.  After being the subject of some weak attempts at April Fool's jokes, I told the boys it was time to go to school.  As I backed the van out of the driveway I stopped and said, "Oh, wait, I forgot...school was cancelled today."  My gullible boys shouted, "What?! Really?! Why?" And I happily shouted, "April Fools!".  I felt guilty as I looked at James' crestfallen face but then caught a smile on Danny's face.  He, who could appreciate a successful April Fool's joke, simply said with a smile, "That was cruel, Mom." (4/1/11)